The last week of February was miserable for me. My attitude was in the toilet. I was weak, tired, sore, injured, and downright pissy! I was not the regular me. I was neither happy, or inspiring. I was a negative. Be glad you weren't around me.
Have you ever been pursuing a goal you were once excited about, then hit the wall? Your mind starts saying things like, "Why am I doing this anyway? I don't even care about it anymore!" The worthiness of the goal comes into question. Reasons for "letting it go", (a soft term for quitting) begin to multiply.
These aren't really even thoughts, it's negative mind chatter that comes when it gets hard. Quitting seems for a time, like a pretty good alternative. It happens to me on my most difficult hunts. Walking the mountains, low on calories, sweaty, stinky, thirsty, no game, sore feet, and not enough energy to want to climb the next peak to glass. I remember thinking to myself, "I don't even think I like hunting anymore!" "After I get a kill, I'm going to find another hobby like golf or something!" I fantasize of double cheeseburgers and Mountain Dew. Followed by soaking in a hot tub. Comfort is what we crave in times of pain. Food when we are hungry, sleep when we are exhausted, warmth when we are cold.
The times we feel inclined to abandon our most challenging pursuits and give up on the goal, are serious character defining moments. Give up for what? For comfort? Where is the real benefit in comfort? Growth comes in striving and pushing through the pain. Struggle is where we discover our capacity, and expand it. Comfort is just comfort. It's nice, but there is no growth or achievement there. There's no stories to tell. NOBODY wants to hear about your epic bath and bed experience.
One difficult goal I am engaged in is prepping for the Alaska NPC Bodybuilding State Championships on April 19. Last week my mind and body fell apart. My pal and training partner Mike Mortensen gave me some good advice. He said, "You need to decide pretty quickly what you are bringing to this competition. Your mind is not on your side right now. And if you don't turn it around, you won't come in your best. Your body will respond to what your mind says."
He was right. I knew it already. But I was listening to my freaking knee, my aching shoulder, my strained IT band, my lower back and my complete lack of energy and motivation. My mind was absorbing the pain and translating in into such a shitty attitude that I couldn't possibly move forward. When I looked in the mirror, I got back what I was putting out there. All I could see was how far I have yet to go. I looked soft! I felt scrawny. I mentally tallied all of the money spent on supplements, gym membership, all the food and and hours at the gym. All that effort and I only added two or three lbs of muscle over the past year. Are you kidding me? What's the point? I'm hungry, I want PIZZA! And I've been dieting my glutes off and only losing one lb/week? This isn't working!
I got pretty sick of hearing myself complain. It didn't last long. I'm done. Permanently! Complaining that is. I've thrown the switch. In truth, I have never felt worse than when I entertained this way of thinking. It is now behind me.
Here's my new outlook. Currently SEVEN weeks out. I am progressing just as I should. Trust the system and keep hammering every day toward the goal! This is the hard part. It's always this way. If it were easy, everybody would look like a superhero! I committed to this goal for one reason. I know I can do better than I have done before! Experience has taught me that. This is the year I come in MY BEST and apply everything I've learned. There is some serious competition this year. That's why I am doing it. To be able to stand on stage with accomplished bodybuilders who have won entire shows and been "The Best" at that time. I want stand with those who have been the best while I am at MY BEST. This is going to be a killer competition! I want to be a part of it. I'll suffer for the sport. Now I'm excited. I'm feeling strong! My heart is pounding... I am all in.
The joy is in the journey. It should be anyway. So I am going to find the joy in this contest prep and put my mind where it needs to be. I share it with you that perhaps you can find some strength in my experience, for whatever journey you are on.
Reading the thoughts and hallucinations of an amateur bodybuilder won't appeal to everybody. But I don't write for everybody. I am writing for me. And I'm writing for you if it helps you. Or if you're entertained. I like the idea of both.
Moving forward!