I really hate being in limbo. A holding pattern is not where I thrive. Climbing, growin, reaching, pursuing is where I get my kicks. Achievement itself is rarely as satisfying as the struggle. However, after the struggle, I expect to achieve the reward, and sometimes I get it. But not always. This bodybuilding season I had the ultimate competition. It was so incredibly motivating knowing there were guys that could beat me, and had every intention to do so. I made absolutely sure I came in my best. I made dang sure they didn't out-work me. As a result, I found energy and drive like never before. And brought my physique in at my absolute best to date.
All that work, for one week of competition. Alaska State and The Emerald Cup. Then it was over....poof! I was left wanting. I decided to do one more show, five weeks away.
Only 48 hrs left. I had two goals this year, win my weight class, and win an overall. I am making a run 8 hours North to Fairbanks this weekend with family on board to compete one more time. Will Smith says, "You don't have to get ready if you stay ready." That has been on my mind the past five weeks as I've stayed down in this caloric hole, hovering around 5% bodyfat. I have grown accustomed to my skinny wrinkled face and the striated superhero look. But I can't begin to explain how bad I want to feast on an excess of calories and GROW! I actually enjoy peeling all the fat off and seeing just how lean I can get with the goal of being the most shredded dude on stage. But that is temporary. As quickly as I get there, I want to go to work to build again.
I made a wise crack a while back, I said, "Pain is necessary, suffering is optional." That is just an opinion. Suffering is relative to the person enduring it to decide whether it's pain or suffering. Staying down in the caloric hole too long is most definitely suffering from my experience. My brain, my attitude, and without question, my previously handsome face has suffered! (That is where opinion and fact collide).
I am happy when I'm hammering away at a goal, whether it's putting on muscle, climbing a mountain, chasing a four legged creature to battle for it's life, or on a power dive of body fat reduction to be stage ready. I need to be full throttle!
I've been flying around in a circle. I can't pig out and grow, my strength is so low I can't lift heavy weight in the gym. I can't really lose any more weight. I am really looking forward to the suffering being over. Hopefully it will have been worth it. Right now I am sick as a dog with a weak immune system and feeling like hammered poo!
I'm drying out. I've finished my course, kept the faith.
Let's get this over with!